楊同學 Library Square 再次報到!

感覺這裡快變成我的 ‘事業部落格’，從去年到現在大部分的文章都是紀錄我的實習經驗。不過怕以後就不會有這麼棒的工作，所以還是能紀錄多少就算多少囉。

時間回到今年七月。我在新的實習環境已習慣了，工作也蠻上手，長官很滿意到願意續約，也和同期學生成為要好朋友（那種每天都會惡作劇的）。離開Library Square也兩個月了。依然很想念那裡，偶爾經過那個大樓還是不經會抬頭望著20樓。可是得趕緊面對現實呢。我的計畫是九月回到學校，明年畢業。儘管工作內容不是我特愛的，但至少每天都很忙，有成就感，時間過得快。很好，就這樣照著計畫走下去吧。

某天早上，我在辦公桌前處理項目數據，左手握著早餐麵包，右手分攤滑鼠和鍵盤，還沒機會罐下已經暖掉的咖啡，我對於自己的多重任務執行能力引以為傲。

突然我的電話響起。可惡，從來到現在打給我的不是打錯就是詐騙電話，這次又來了。也是，誰會打給只來做四個月的小實習生呢？ 很不願意的接起來，勉強的以禮貌口氣帶過，‘Sherry Yang speaking’。

‘Hi Sherry’ 電話另一邊傳來熟悉的聲音，真的很想念LS的長官哪！ 我有點納悶，她平常很少用電話啊，這麼這麼突然。問候了對方之後轉入了正題。“有沒有興趣回來再作一個學期？” 我放下麵包，一開始還說不出話來，驚訝的問 “天哪！妳是認真的嗎？” 聽說那邊工作量大增，急需人手。雖然很想一口答應，但我身旁還有策劃多時的計畫，眼看就快要畢業了，偏偏這個時候來電話。

我告訴她我需要時間考慮，我們約了一個星期之後見面。可是根本不用考慮，我對於LS的喜愛已到了很不理智客觀的地步。我決定我想要這個機會，我不管計畫了，我只想要回去作個過癮。於是，我從很不理智的興奮到緊張，之後的幾天我無法安眠，食慾不太好，害怕萬一她們改變主意怎麼辦，那我會多失望呢！ 見面的前一晚，我買了一瓶紅酒和好友Carolyn享用。原本只是想幫助入眠，可是在焦慮的情況下喝到空瓶，醉昏上床後就一覺到天亮。

起來時還宿醉頭痛。這樣昏走到辦公室，完全沒辦法專心。昏走到了咖啡廳，定坐在那裡，帶著耳機聽音樂嘗試安撫情緒。長官來了，站起擁抱時還一陣頭痛。我第一次宿醉去工作會面，偏偏要在這個時候。 談話時也傻掉，原來酒精這麼可怕。

問候過對方後，我們進入主題。我發現我的焦慮都是多於的。她們沒有改變主意，我當場接受了實習機會。

這不是什麼了不起的成就，但我心存感激。她們大可以續約別的學生或是找新的，學歷更高，比我英文更好的學生。

回到LS的第一天感覺超現實也很熟悉。離開時我完全沒想到說居然還能再次踏進LS。大家依然很熱情，長官也繼續帶著我。當天和別組的同事聊天時，他說 “當時大家都在幫妳加油”。我好奇問說那是什麼意思？聽他後來的解釋，大概是當時要把用過的學生帶回去不是件簡單事，恐怕和人事部糾纏了很久。聽到這裡覺得挺欣慰的，看來大家還是愛我的！！

That felt great

I was born with fairly average qualities.  Average physique, average intellect, average personality and average ambition and average many other things.  I try my best to improve on things whenever I feel the need, but overall I'm very happy with what I have.  I like myself.  But sometimes I can still get pissed off when someone tries to emphasize their better self right in front of my face.  I don't need you to tell me that you're better than me, I'm smart enough to recognize that despite my average brain.  That's right, I can be very bitter. 

But there was one day when nature decided to turn the tables.  When I was in second year, I took a course on biogeography.  One day I was walking with my lab to the Pacific Spirit Park for a field study.  A girl happened to be walking with me, and we started chatting up.  She was a year younger than me, and told me that she was an IB student, and that she had satisfied many credits already, that she shouldn't need to take the course and that she found university classes to be a piece of cake.  Okay maybe I made up the last part, but that was the idea.  She spoke in a very arrogant tone, at least that was my impression. 

When we arrived at the study area, she saw her "IB pal" and quickly teamed up with her to do the research.  I was working independently, and asked the TA many questions.  Because, that's what they're for no?  But I couldn't help but notice the way those two girls worked.  They buried their heads together on their clipboard, whispering to each other and cautiously observed their surroundings as if people were eavesdropping.  And indeed I was, couldn't help it.  They were afraid because they were so smart.  One of them started by saying, "I think the answer to this is.." and proceeded to write on her own paper to show the other person, to which she concurred intently.  When I passed by them they immediately ceased talking.  They also held onto their clipboards like their babies, protecting them against the harsh wind and of course, the potential cheaters.  I took off.  I don't think they understood the purpose of TAs, and that students actually would much rather use them instead of their peers for their assignments. 

A few weeks passed by and I didn't see her again until one day after class, when students went to the front of the class like sardines to collect the marked lab assignment on the field study.  I decided to stay in my seat until the crowd dissipated.  While I was waiting, she appeared with her assignment.  She asked how I did, to which I replied, "I don't know, I'm waiting to get mine".  Then she held out her assignment, and complained to me how she was so disappointed in a 90%.  Just when I was about to tell her to suck it up and that 90% is good enough, my friend, John, came to me with both of our assignments.  He appeared to be impatient and couldn't wait to get out of the warm and humid lecture hall.  I thanked him for grabbing mine and took my assignment.  "Oh did we both get 100%?"  I was a little surprised.  "Yes, yes,... are you done?  Can we go now?  I need to line up for Japadog".  I then got up swiftly and said to the girl (who, by this time, was speechless), well I'm sure you'll do better next time!  See you later!

Yes I felt really good that day.  I don't think I'm being gleeful or proud.  I think the message I'm trying to express is, you just never know when an average person isn't as dumb as you think.  There may be exceptions.

I think I really liked it

When I was saying goodbye to the folks there, starting with Jennifer and Rose, I thought I was really going to break into tears.  I wanted to say a lot more, about how thankful I was, but really didn't dare to because the last thing I wanted was to leave a stunning impression of being an overly attached and emotional student - and I am.  I left in a haste, even forgot to say bye to a few people.

I really loved being there.  Thinking back to the first time I stepped into that office, that time I thought to myself "man, this environment is awesome, the people are wonderful!  If only I can really get the opportunity!"  Although I was a little hesitant about what to expect when I was told that my supervisor was going to be someone I've never met before, my doubts cleared as soon as I met the most wonderful boss I've ever had.  I wasn't sure if I'll like the nature of the work, coming from a geography background, but I soon learned the cool things and enjoyable aspects about it, with the really kind support of the group.  Truly, each and every one of them was kind, patient and sweet.  Starting from day 1 I immediately got into the mode of learning and training.  For the whole 8 months, I was proud of being one of them and always looked forward to the next day.  I'm still so thankful that I was there.

As the second term wore on, I grew uneasy of the time to leave.  I thought I shouldn't find a job for the summer, because I needed a break after leaving a wonderful environment in order to get a mellow reality check.  But the opportunity presented itself - I had to take it.  I just didn't know the adjustment was going to be this difficult, and everything seems to be a little polarized in my eyes.

I know I'm still very biased, coming from the perfect workplace, but I had thought I was prepared enough.  Nobody is mean to me, the culture is just as such, the nature of the work is the reality, but the shock from the drastic change really got to me.  Throughout my first day I was on the verge of breaking into tears (once again), especially whenever I thought about what I still had last week.  Constantly I cursed myself for being so weak, ungrateful and suck at change.  Though they told me to let them know how I was doing at the new place, I couldn't because I knew it wouldn't come out right.  After my first day, I rushed home and quickly removed my make up before really breaking into tears.  I couldn't hold it in anymore.

I think this is one of the impact that they had on me.  I love them too much that it was hard to say goodbye and move on.  Today, my second day, I wandered onto the 12 floor.  As I was going through the maze I ran into the man whom I was desperately seeking for.  It felt like a pleasant reunion and I got the hug I needed the most.  It was so comforting to see someone who reminded me of the time I spent at Library Square.  I'm glad that my ties with the Library Square isn't completely severed with the completion of my term.  I cannot wait to meet the several people who really offered a great deal of support.  I'm sure things will improve.

Pescetarian Month 1!

About a month ago I was invited over to my aunt's home for a barbecue.  I happened to be very hungry that day.  Mainly because I had been running around that day doing errands.  When I arrived I couldn't wait to indulge in all those food.  That night, I had roasted mushrooms, buns, grilled salmon steak, pasta, TWO STEAKS, apple pie and a lot more that I can't recall.  Sometimes my mind responds a little slow to what my body had probably signalled ages ago.  Because by the time I realized, I was too full to even walk and breathe.  Literally, I could feel that the food had been topped to my neck and it hurts my tummy when I try to breathe, so I could only take short, quick breaths.  The ride home was frightening, I thought I might simply throw up on my cousin's girlfriend's car.

When I arrived home, I was still feeling sick that I looked frantically for digestive pills.  I found a tin sitting in the back of my fridge which has yet to expire.  I took two and let the night wore on.

The next morning, I had no desire at all for food, so I did not eat breakfast.  At work, I only had a small salad for lunch.  For the next few days I declined all meat and only had vegetable and soy products.   Even when they were on the dinner table, I would meticulously pick out the meat pieces, no matter how tiny they were before I can start eating.  During this time however, I was still able to eat some fish, which doesn't make me feel as sick, on top of some other animal products that I'm still consuming - butter, ramen broth and gravy to name a few.

I'm pretty amazed that I've been able to maintain this diet for this long, considering how gluttonous I am usually.  But I guess I have successfully applied that nature of mine in pescetarianism.  It's made dinner preparation a lot simpler, and I wouldn't have to think too much about what I need to order when I'm out - after all, you only get that many choices as a non-meat consumer.  The only problem is when I want to have a Tim Hortons breakfast sandwich.  Yesterday while I was there, I didn't want to come across to be too picky, so I simply ordered a ham and egger breakfast sandwich.  When I got to the office I fleshed out the ham.

I think I'll continue on with this diet for the next few weeks.  Right now I still have no desire to eat meat and it's not too bad so far.

ARA

When you're an ARA you'll most likely go back and forth throughout the years between your home and host.  It's always the same ritual it seems.  Towards the start of a western holiday season, there's an influx of ARAs visiting their homeland, filling up the airport and pushing up ticket prices.   Towards the end, that same group of kids go back, back to school.  It wasn't until the international airport put all North American flights in the same terminal did I really notice that I was part of the collective.

I was in my first year of university.  That night, as usual, I said goodbye to my relatives before I reluctantly walked out of the door.  My dad had already rolled my luggages out to the streets.  On the car, I tried ambitiously to catch a glimpse at every part of the city as if it was my last.  Within that 45 minute short ride, I'd already developed feelings for the stray dog, the street vendor, the diesel bus and the cafe.  No matter how long you've been away from that place, you'd have already fallen right back in love by the time you leave.  I guess that's what home means.

As usual, we arrived a good two and a half hours before I had to board, this is so we can slowly digest our last moment together before seeing each other in another year.  We picked a table in the small cafeteria, ordered some snacks and tea from the cafes.  That was when I noticed that every table around us were made up the same way with the same people - a quiet and seemingly depressed teenage kid, a dad who kept on reminding the kid about subjects that went unappreciated, and also, a mum who quietly fed slices of oranges to the kid.  The kid would reluctantly swallow the seemingly tasteless snacks.  I smirked sarcastically, "what is this, has this become an annual tradition for ARAs?" We should have a day in early January called "Sending off ARAs Day" and every parent of an ARA can get a day off the next in lieu of their late night driving to the airport.

The same thing happened before we enter the customs.  You'd see trios forming around you, with all them parents hugging and kissing their kid goodbye and seeing them into the gate.  I'm always one of the few emotional kid who'd shed a few tears.  I've done this show so many times prior to that day.  But perhaps due to childhood memory, it's as if I'm programmed to weep whenever I have part with mum and dad at the airport.

As usual, I finally picked up my satchel and went in, pockets full of used tissue paper, head held low to avoid public embarrassment.  I slowly walked towards my boarding gate, trying to absorb as much of my surroundings as possible to take back with me.  After relieving myself in the washroom, I'd then find a pay phone to call my grandmother, then my parents, before boarding.  And then, the set down of the handset marks the first step of disconnection with my loved ones.