琴痴也會進步

剛練了一下鋼琴. 想想我也學了11年的鋼琴了. 說來慚愧, 我大概是全加拿大學的最慢的學生吧, 11年了證書還沒拿到, 也不太會寫曲. 但我真的沒什麼音樂天份, 根本就是鋼琴界中的白痴, 或是沒救的野田妹囉, 至少Nodame有潛能. 我覺得鋼琴老師能把我帶到現在的ARCT也很佩服自己吧! 對鋼琴一直沒信心的我, 覺得自己根本沒有在進步, 高中時期根本沒有很認真練, 儘管過了10級, 我打從一開始就覺得這是神的寬容, 考官的放水, 其實大部分的時間我都在混吧! 但嘿! 我也不是不努力呢. 考RCM10時我原本一天練習四個小時, 直到後來因為手開始痛了才縮減到3個小時. 不是為了找藉口, 可是不管多努力, 我始終覺得"天份"在藝術方面是很重要的.

每次偶爾會被朋友笑說, "你還在學鋼琴? 還沒quit?!" 或是被老媽唸, "我花了這麼多錢, 你到底什麼時候可以去教人家然後把錢都賺回來阿?!" 我連自己都學不好了教人還得了!
可是我從來沒想過要放棄, 就算學費也是自己付, 我還是想學. 我喜歡把手放在鋼琴鍵上的感覺, 按下去後的聲音, 彈出來的旋律, 感覺自己能製造出這種音樂很得意, 然後開始自戀.

我記得幾年前, 大概高中的時候, 當自己才剛開始RCM10的program那時, 我在新課本裡面找到了蕭邦很有名的夜曲 (不是周杰輪), you know, 就是那首 噔噔~ 噔~噔~噔~噔~~~ 噔噔~~~ 噔噔噔噔噔~噔~噔~噔~噔~ 噔噔噔噔噔噔噔噔噔~噔~ 就是這首.

我興高采烈的跟我老師講我想選這首來學, 但她卻說這首不在RCM10選項中, 反而是在比較中級的8級上. 既然如此, 我就想, 那乾脆自己學吧! 可是畢竟是8級, 才剛入10級的我也沒辦法馬上學會那蕭邦, 何況我還是琴痴. 彈了半天還是覺得自己彈的太糟糕, 一直彈錯, 一直停頓, 節拍錯亂, 沒彈完第一頁我就放棄了哈哈, 後來就專心練其他的譜了.

這幾天因為比較有時間, 有勤勞點, 每晚都會彈個一個小時. 高級學生可能聴了會覺得不可斯議 "一個小時?!?!!? 我都是練4個小時!!" Anyway, 剛才無聊時翻開以前的課本複習下, 不小心翻到了那首我以前一直沒有耐心練的蕭邦. 想了想, 還是彈彈看, 因為真的挺喜歡那首的. 出乎意料的我竟然彈完整首, 偶爾有點小差錯, 但基本上控制的蠻平穩的, 以6年來第一次彈, 人生中的第2次, not bad! 和6年前相比差太多了.

這次的經驗讓我感到蠻欣慰的, 讓我有點信心了. 因為我這次親耳"目睹"自己進步許多, 所以我還是有在進步, 之前所做的努力也不算白費, 看來我也沒完全在混嘛~~~~
yoshiiiiii 明天也要好好練習!

最後, 蕭邦E-flat大調 夜曲 ---
噔! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZUw78FXpG4
我噔的有沒有很像?!?!?!!?

小趣事 --
大概5年前那時, 為了準備另一首蕭邦夜曲去考試, 想要下載來聴, 結果搜了 "蕭邦夜曲 No. XX"那個時候出來的結果全部都是周杰倫的 "蕭邦的夜曲", 那個時候好像專輯剛出所以網路上搜出來全部都是他的. 我找了大概10多頁也沒有我要的. 當時氣死我了, 從此討厭那傢伙. = =

曾經有的感覺

I don't want this to ENDDDDDDD

八月也真的要結束了。。天也早早黑了，最近也涼爽許多了，果然，又是那一年一度開學的時刻啦該來的還是要來囉，不到兩個星期我愉快的暑假就要結束了，真的好捨不得，好希望還能倒退時間回到五月，然後在過一次暑假。

突然發現，去了UBC之後，就不在有以前那種開學的新鮮感。不知道是長大不在有活力了，還是厭倦了學習，還是完全沒有好奇心了，難道大學真的就這麼無趣嗎？ 還記得小學時，開學的一個禮拜我就會光顧Guildford的Wal－Mart，就算文具還夠用，還是會去買很多新的彩色鉛筆，原子筆，65不同顏色的蠟筆，四疊厚厚的line-paper，超大文具盒，還有很多不同款的橡皮擦，不同顏色的。買回家後會很興奮的在我的戰利品上貼上自己的姓名，整個就是很等不及把所有東西塞進學校抽屜裡。每年開學的第一天，就屬我的背包最重了。開學後也很好玩，像是每天午休和Amy他們打籃球，我最喜歡贏的時候囂張的對他們說 “HA In your face！".

上了高中後，雖然買文具的機會和樂趣少了許多，不過悶了太久後，開學前的那幾天我還是會很期待的等著課表寄來，等不及把課表貼在Msn名字上和所有朋友一一對比，看看會和誰同班，然後在一同抱怨拿到哪個討厭的老師，或是慶幸到在Pocock的班上。開學的那個星期興致特別大，會約Melody每天早上在她家門前會面，一起走路去上學，放學後在一同走回家。剛開學功課還沒有很重，每天晚上甚至會預習，然後好好收拾書包，準備迎接新的一天。早上有涼爽甚至有點太冷的微風，下午炎熱的酷暑，九月初的天氣雖然古怪，但我的心情特別好，對什麼都覺得特別新鮮。

永遠記得剛進Fraser Heights的那個學期。我和每個同年級生都興奮到不行，有些過度興奮的人行為更是囂張，覺得8年紀已經很了不起了，可以用locker了，可以跑班了，中午可以混在cafeteria. 或許這就是為什麼大家覺得新生最討厭了，不管是高中或是大學，但我還算是比較低調吧！ 我還記得當時的課表：

Block A: Math 8 Principles (Knight) 禿頭的數學老師沒什麼威嚴，老是被學生欺負，而且還不肯讓我們用計算機。還記得那時和Rachel，Jessie，Amy同班，所以上課非常興奮，因為數學還不算難，所以每次做完功課後就會講不停，傳字條。

Block B: Science 8 (Krystal) 旁邊坐著Jessie，每次她總會偷看漫畫，偷聽MP3，還會把耳機從耳背上繞過來掩飾耳機線，全部都被我看到了 哈哈哈。

Block C: French 8 (Huskin) 旁邊還是Jessie，那個時候Melody和Waina坐在我們的後面。記得每天會還會有小考試，和Melody總是很high，會為了Waina在外面跌倒的畫面連續笑個一整堂，有一次和Melody一起做了一個報告，用了Finding Nemo造型，因此拿了滿分，老師還特別興奮的問我們是否能把海報送給她。

Block D: PE 8 (Piercy)/Band 8 (Horn)， 法文班結束後，有時候是體育班，有時候是樂團，就這樣輪流著。如果是體育班，我們會特別警惕，馬上會跑回Locker拿短褲和短袖，趕緊去換衣服，然後進體育館報數。遲到會被扣分呢！ 體育班特別吃力，真的不能混，畢竟體育老師可是很嚴苛的，如果沒看你在動的話會被罵的。我的PE8分數可是我受教育以來最低分數。但還是有好玩的時候，例如和大家玩Capture the flag, 把沙包從敵隊手中帶著衝到自己的地盤的感覺真是太棒了！

如果是Band的話就輕鬆多了，Horn是全世界最友善分數最好拿的老師吧，人太好了，也因此被很多學生糟蹋欺負。。每個星期至少會讓我們看一次電影。一年會有幾次演出，一次Christmas，一次Kiwanis，一次年終。還得穿著黑褲，白襯衫，我當時吹黑管，肺活量大的很！最大的樂趣就是和坐在旁邊的Saxophone Rachel 胡鬧，沒事她總會趁我不注意的時候從我的背包把記事本拿出來塗鴉，每天回家打開總是會看到新作品，而且滿到讓我無法繼續寫，讓我很困擾。

我們午餐時間特別長，一個鐘頭。每天我和Melody，Waina和一些韓國人會聚積在某個角落吃午餐。那個時候超興奮的，時常笑到無聲，我還記得當時不小心把泡麵撒在Melody的binder上，喔，我還目睹Melody把垃圾往後面直接丟在地上，原來你從小就不愛地球人哪！Rachel和Jessie他們似乎會聚積在Cafeteria，印象那是幫派啊欺凌會發生的地方，就是你拿了午餐後會要慎選位子坐下，你的身分會和你的桌子有關係。。。。不過我們學校應該沒這麼複雜吧 (我gossip girl看太多了)。 還會有活動，我參加過比賽吃奶油蛋糕, 而且我記得那個時候吃得滿臉, Rachel還在旁邊一邊看一邊笑, 整個就是很討厭. 哦 對了, 還有就是在學校廣播你的最愛專輯。有一天中午的時候還在學校內聽到SHE的Superstar，後來才知道是Rachel Jessie那幫人放的。

下課之後會回去locker把要用的筆記本啊，課本啊，要洗的衣服啊，放進背包裡。 然後聽者MP3慢慢走回家 (原來我那個時代已經有mp3了！) 時常因為下午突然很熱，早上穿來的外套得拿在手上，然後一邊走一邊覺得自己穿牛仔褲很傻。

高中是個建立友誼的好地方。和這麼多人在班上這麼胡鬧，讓無聊的課變得新鮮多了。或許也是因為這個原因，讓每次開學的時候都很開心，因為終於可以看到好久沒見的朋友，也可能是因為壓力比較小，沒有什麼責任。。甚至不用對自己負責。

怎麼會。。現在怎麼會這麼討厭開學呢。 最近沒辦法再去全心感受那九月初該有的喜悅和溫柔的氣氛。反而恨不得時間過的慢一點，反而恨不得開學前一天再去看課表，反而恨不得開學後再去買書，去學校帶一枝筆和幾張白紙就夠了，能省多少精力在學校上就省多少啦。還沒開學就已經開始害怕那將要突如其來的課業壓力，許久沒復習的法文，每天得早起的schedule， 需要apply的雜七雜八，我連學費補助都還沒申請呢。能見到朋友的時間在暑假時比在學校內多，好失望啊。但這樣的態度也不太痛快，最近挺想念我那曾經有的興奮感，好希望能再次持有那份感覺，這樣或許能有精神一點。所以祈禱我今年能更有朝氣的去上學吧，畢竟能當學生的時間也不多了吧。

喔 天哪，我居然懷舊可以拖這麼長，都忘了四個小時後還得上班 。。。。

勇闖斯德哥爾摩 II

下了巴士，我和Teresa走去地鐵站，買了一張無限用週期卡（而且印象中特別便宜），上了地鐵往旅社出發。真不得不說，瑞典人果然是設計師，地鐵站設計的舒適簡單，裡面也特別乾淨，保養的特別好，少了溫哥華translink的笨蛋設計，台灣的複雜設計（特別在指標上），還有倫敦的太老舊了太熱了太悶熱了受不了設計。

小插曲：坐地鐵德途中旁邊有一家南亞家族，一家很熱鬧地大人們高聲地聊天，小孩們一邊哭鬧＝ ＝。 突然媽媽 “嘿” 了我一聲，問我有沒有手機可以借她，想了想我口袋裡的手機，我怎麼可能把溫哥華手機給她在這裡打漫遊，我跟她說沒有。突然坐在推車裡的小兒子不知道是已經聽得懂人話還是怎樣，這小鬼居然看到掛在我口袋外的裝在手機上的柴崎幸演唱會雕飾，然後突然用力猛拉，我不只整個褲子被扯下到臀部的一半，還因為突然被嚇倒而往塑膠板飛撞過去。

我和Teresa選的旅社是18世紀監獄改造的Langholmen （後來才發現這在龍紋身的女孩書中出現過喔！）原本以為住監獄實在是太酷了，而且當時知道裡面居然還有個監獄博物館時更令人興奮！ 但等到我們真的check－in之後，才真的開始害怕。 誰也沒料到我們的房間居然被安排在博物館的正中央，是整個旅社最有監獄氣氛的區了。到處都是高大噁心的蠟像在監視你，表情也特別詭異，走錯房間可能也會進入display room裡面，有更多蠟像等你，離我們房間不遠還有斷頭台，以前用過的生鏽腳鏈，手銬等等。博物館酷歸酷，監獄酷歸酷，但真的住在裡面真的會讓人感覺毛毛的。我挪威的網友也故意加油添醋，一知到我的所在位，馬上回我一句： “I've heard sto

ries about that place...." 讓我當晚完全睡不著。幸好，有兩個人同行，要不然我當天Checkout。

收拾好東西後已經不早了，許多店家也應該都關了，何況對附近還很陌生，於是我們去了看到的第一家露天餐廳，點了很簡單的薯條和漢堡，結果就花了22加幣，讓我見識到瑞典人的厲害。。22加幣我在這裡可以吃上很棒的牛排大餐耶。但這只不過是剛開始，接下來的幾天我會發現一瓶Becks要7加幣，麥當勞套餐要9加幣，礦泉水要3加幣，上好餐廳一個人30加幣是必須的。我每天提錢的時候都快崩潰了。

勇闖斯德哥爾摩 I

原本現在應該要去野餐的，可是每個人大遲到，虧我還這麼早起來，食物也都準備好了。你們給我記住。。。。

空閒之餘，乾脆來寫寫我對斯德哥爾摩的印象，免得以後忘掉。

在倫敦待了兩個星期後，我和同伴Teresa飛到瑞典的首都斯德哥爾摩，準備過五天四夜。

其實我對北歐或是瑞典瞭解都不多，只不過拿了幾次北歐文學，除了Absolut Vodka，喜歡逛Ikea，欣賞Volvo，愛用手機是（Sony）Ericsson，喜歡讀捷運發的Metro，電腦少不了Skype，衣服很多是H&M，龍紋身的女孩還是我最愛的21世紀小說。 雖然瑞典不是什麼大國，但也搞出蠻多有趣的東西, 頗有影響力。

起先對瑞典的印象就是： 很空，很懶惰，很冷，很會做傢具，每個人無聊到寫了很多童話故事，然後很北歐（廢話），我覺得決定去瑞典的原因是因為 柴崎幸去年去的圖書館太酷了，瑞典肉球和鮭魚好吃，讀這麼多北歐不去看看自稱Capital of Scandinavia的城市實在有點可惜。

下飛幾的第一印象是，真的好空蕩。。為什麼機場這麼小，雖然是小機場，可是也太小了，人也太少了。 提了瑞典貨幣後隨即買了車票準備搭車去位於市內的旅社. 瑞典人的教育程度似乎不錯, 至少以英文來說很棒了! 高速公路上的風景很像溫哥華, 或許參砸在草原中的小木屋讓整個景色可愛多了!

因為冷氣壞了, 巴士上的司機用瑞典文說明問題後隨即當場翻譯成英文. 之後幾天也會發現, 從路人, 7-11的工讀生到餐廳服務員英文強得讓我不由自主的很自然去哪裡都直接用英文, 也懶得去用我臨時學的破爛瑞典文. 厚臉皮的行為這也讓我覺得特別慚愧, 但好處是這讓我在哪都絕對不會有語言障礙.

blue rain

HEY! I think I just came up with a real good title, sounds like one of those names for pop ballads.

But indeed, 'blue rain' does describe my state of mind at the moment. Got up at 8:30 to find out that it's raining. It's Raining. IT'S RAINING.

I haven't seen rain for too long. The last time I saw rain was a month ago in Stockholm. I haven't used an umbrella for too long also. The last time I used it was two months ago, the time when I went to chapters to buy a guidebook to Stockholm before my Europe trip. And I actually bought a brand new "VANCOUVER UMBRELLA" for my trip, I thought England would be as miserably rainy as it's known to be. Surprisingly, for the whole duration of my stay in London, no single drop of rain came.

After coming back to Vancouver, the weather has been so nice that it's sunny everyday, and too sunny for the past few days. I was getting tired of these wonderful warm weeks, especially when I have suffered enough heat in Europe already. So imagine my delight when it was wet and windy outside today, my mood is especially bright at work today, same goes with my customer service!

Another thing I like about such summer rainy days is that my mood calms down for a bit. During sunny days I'm always too occupied by thoughts about going out for a bike ride, meeting up with folks, visiting friends. The rain takes away some of such tendencies, and I turn blue for a while, but not melancholy blue, but appreciation blue,.. then I relax, like now, I'm lying on the sofa with a huge computer resting on my fat stomach, typing away on this blog, and I enjoy seeing it going up, then down, up, then down, consistently with my breathing. My stomach feels warm now from the macbook.

But Dear someone,

I don't know if the blue is really not the melancholy blue though. There are still things that are troubling me. Things that I have been thinking for quite a long time but haven't yet come up with responses. Then I must realise, I'm a fortunate kid already, what right do I have to be expecting more, to be satisfied, who am I to be thinking about such unnecessary affairs, do they matter enough.... yet again, the love, honesty, loyalty, or respect from others, they are some of the most precious to me, and I'm beginning to lose some.

Things need not to be so pessimistic perhaps, perhaps, I simply need to learn to have greater ego, to learn not to bother. Perhaps again, it is exactly this ego that ignited all this shit, should I even expect love, honesty, and all that crap from people.

Time to be afraid?

Sweet Summer Sweat

I've written too many blogs about Kou already, but there shouldn't be any reasons to why I should stop the ritual of dedicating a blog to my favourite Japanese each year on her birthday!

Two days ago I had a dream about Kou actually! I dreamed that Kou went to Fraser Heights to give a concert, and I was soooo ready to participate, I arrived at the Firehawks theatre five hours before it even started, I had the best seat right in the middle! Just as the concert was about to start, I realised I don't have my ticket. So I ran out in search for tickets, I ran all over the school ground when finally I found a ticket machine to buy tickets. But the touch screen function was all screwed up so it took me so long to get my ticket. When I got in, Kou was on her last song...

Then I also dreamed that I walked past her dressing room at Erma Stephenson. I waved at her while she went in, then she came over to me, and she looked at my arms, I was carrying some DVDs, turned out to be pirated DVDs of Orange Days and Good luck!! Man she looked awkward hahahahaahah, and she "ahhh"-ed and "ohhh"-ed and backed off. Then I woke up!

Just a while earlier, I was watching Kou's 2010 concert tour, again, after listening to her last song Hyakunengo, I was completely touched by her voice and effort of the overall concert. Kou is soooo adorable in there, not to mention that her live has improved so much as well. I especially enjoyed Lover Soul, Hyakunengo, and Dive.

Then I just remembered, this is my fourth year as a Kou fan! Since watching Battle Royale in 2006, I have been spending most of my savings on Kou goods. Magazines, albums, and concert products. She should really thank me, I just spent nearly 200 canadian dollars on a two pieces of towel, a t-shirt, and 2 cellphone straps. Which fan can go further?! HM? HM?

But then, after all, Kou was the one who gave me something to look forward to after a busy and exhausting day of work and school. An hour of drama, five minutes of a new single, or even chatting away with other fans online. Doing these things can really help me take my mind off of other craps. I remember once when I was stressing over my huge term papers, I listened to her new single over and over again on the bus, it helped me hold back my tears. Actually listening to her songs or watching the films always helped to ease the frustrations in life.

During the last two years of my high school, I spent summer alone, oh yes! and with Kou! I missed the time during those hot summer evenings, I would lie on the wooden floor, listening to Kou's songs with a fan blowing against my fat feet. On the background noise would be the sprinkler's splash on the grass..then comes the smell of the wet sun baked grass. There wouldn't be anyone else at home, I could turn it on max all day long. Then I'd take a nap right there, fully bathed in the music. During those summer days, sometimes I'd stay up until dawn after finishing my English project, and talk to other kou fans at different time zones, about new CMs she has done or new dramas she's filming. Then sometimes I would pull out Battle Royale and watch the scene when Mitsuko died over and over again, not that I'm perverted or anything, but I like Kou's Mitsuko, it makes you feel, "I need to be strong too!"

I'd ask myself a lot of times how I managed to love a celebrity for so long. But then Kou is so much more than a celebrity. Using the word celebrity might even be an insult to the girl haha. She's a real professional employee of her agency, of the entertainment industry. Kou didn't simply boomed out of nowhere. Her evolvement is a realistic one. From an amateur singer who only dared to release singles, to this day's live tours and music station appearances, sitting alongside Ayumi Hamasaki and Glay,.. Kou's no fast food, she progresses slowly, yet she does it well, step by step, is not in hurry to make big money, but to make the best out of herself, so that she doesn't waste our money!!!!

Happy Birthday to Kou (feels kind of weird to wish a stranger happy birthday, but what the heck!) Please take more dramas, and stop dating.