I should be happy

I remember two years ago, around the same time of year, my brother left to China. I remember the day before he left I was very mean to him, probably becuase I hated him for leaving me alone in Vancouver. We had an argument the night before he left. When I got up in the morning, I saw a letter placed on my desk. It was from him. I left to school without saying bye, he was still sleeping anyway. I remember it was raining and I was walking to Fraser Heights without an umbrella, becuase I wanted to read the letter on my way. It was truely a tearjerker, I weeped all the way to school, I believed he was really moving out of the family, and I blamed myself for yelling at him the previous night. When he phoned me at the airport, I tried to act cool still. HA.

I guess the good thing is he came back half a year later and we lived together ever since. Man, we had some real scary fights. After I argue with him I would always complain to Ariel and Daniel about how lazy my brother is and how I wish he can just leave Canada. I can still think about 100 reasons to kick his ass. I mean, shouldn't I be celebrating that he's now packing and leaving to Taiwan the next day? Now that my junk food won't disappear rapidly, end of people jumping onto my bed and make a mess, and no more horrible opera singing. But now that I think about it, I might actually be a bit "sad" that he's leaving and in fact, I might "miss" him.

I can't deny that he is a responsible older sibling and he does look out for me. Nor can I be unaware of him getting me a new PC and buying an extra bottle of soda, helping me illegally download movies, taking me out with his girlfriends, and answering all my questions from school. He did quite well, considering his reckless and lazy self. I guess, now that he's leaving, I do think about how mean I have been to him. I sometimes think if I might still be concerned about what happened two years ago.

I don't know how long he'll be out of the country this time. But I really hope I can force out at least a "good luck" to him tomorrow. At least a proper "good-bye". Well the good thing is, I won't have to argue with him for a couple months.

法文班的無奈 PATU

在這裡偷偷講應該沒人會發現 = =
還好班上也只有兩個華人 哈哈哈

anyway
我說, 你們這群傢伙是法喬學校出來的法文已經強到一種境界
為什麼?! 為什麼要來這普通FSL學生讀的班?! 你說啊!! 你說啊! 我知道誰都想拿營養學分, 我不可否認, 我以前也拿過中文.. 但 但 但 我拿的也是母語中文分!!! 這很合理啊!!
主要是.. 你們這群傢伙了解笨蛋的心情嗎?!
沒錯! that's right! 當你們的同學會覺得自己是笨蛋!
沒事blahblooweewee 說這麼快! 你當我是魁北克來的嗎? TAISEZ-VOUS >
更悲慘的是, 你們笑的時候, 我也要跟著像傻瓜一樣笑, 可是我根本聽不懂 O_Q
教授比較有人性 講話速度至少我還跟的上 = ="


可是今天下午我和幾個人比較早到教室 我們就做在那裡
除了我和薇以外, 其他都是法喬學校出來的
我為什麼知道呢?! 因為他們聊天時各自分享他們在法喬學校的經驗
甲: 和我的法喬學校比, 這個班上的程度根本就是三年級嘛~
乙: 法喬比這個難多了!!
丙: 這對我來說也只是複習的課程

我: *沉默的吃著沙拉*
薇: *沉默的啃著三明治*

你們這群傢伙 = = 上台做presentation根本輕鬆的就像是聊天一樣的.. 有必要讓我覺得自己是白痴嗎... 我可是考試的前一天還會去office hour的那種乖學生 = = 但考出來的分數可以和我腳的尺寸比了!!!!!!

BE NICE O_Q.. s'il vous plait....

法文班的無奈

我的法文班很小, 不到20個人, 教室更小, 比我的房間在大一點
可是就是因為這麼小, 狀況也很有趣, 但卻很無奈

狀況#1: 攜帶響起
某一天教授在上課, 學生認真聽講, 班上特別安靜
雖然坐在中間, 但手機忘了調靜音真的有差, 不像那種塞幾百人的lecture room, 手機響起比較不容易被注意到, 更慘的是我在袋子裡面搜了半天才摸到手幾, 這次偏偏讓大家都知道我的手機鈴聲是1903年米老鼠主題曲. 教授很幽默的說: très joli!

狀況#2: 學生太少
學生少其實是個好事, 教授可以花更多時間在每個學生身上, 可是沒有必要把我的分數也記得這麼清楚吧. 現在全班也都跟著知道了.. 那天我向教授拿我前天沒拿到的考卷, 她說 "呀! 你就是那個沒寫名字的考卷! 我記得! 你拿61分嘛! 對不對! 我記得~!!" 講的特別大聲

狀況#3: 大笑很難
今天在上課的時候, 突然想起以前我媽說過的話 "你知道.. 加拿大教的法文聽說有很奇怪的口音, 連法國人都聽不懂唷~~" 我姊也有加入 "是啊, 那就像你現在學的是台灣國語" 回想這個的過程中, 頓時突然覺得很好笑, 再怎麼努力忍還是笑出來了.... *AHAHAHAHAHA*

我的夢想是...

I know it's very rare for a girl to think of something like this, but this was my one and only childhood dream, or is it still...?

I wanted to be a pirate since too long ago. I don't know why, but I was very attracted to adventure after seeing Disney movies and reading stories like Treasure Island. I remember I was fascinated with maps, I always beg my dad to draw different maps for me of the community we lived in, or I would doodle my own bizarre shapes and walk around with them with huge binoculars dangling on my hips, thinking I was looking for valuables. Other times I would dress in towels and rags and climb around the house with a huge cotton pack. Once on Halloween I dressed up as a pirate too, and I was so disappointed that we weren't allowed to bring fake swords to school; that ruined my whole style!

When I was in elementary school, I was obsessed with pirate novels, or anything about 16th century English sailors. However I did not like the Pirates of the Caribbean, don't ask me why. Anyway, during highschool I had to put away with these so called childish dreams; though I still talked to Anna and Ariel about pirates often.

Today, I saw a 1995 film Cutthroat Island I'm guessing? couldn't remember the exact title, but it starred Geena Davis, yes, I'm pretty sure that was her. Anyway, She's a Caribbean pirate in there, leading a whole group of male pirates, and she later fell in love with a physician/thief while she was treasure hunting. Anyway, that once again reminded me of my dream career. It would be awesome if I could be a queen pirate with a monkey.. well I want to replace the monkey with a raccoon, hanging on my arms, and surrounded by so many men bowing to me, under my command.

Anyway, enough of this.., must get back to studying the command economy of the Soviet Union..

media made my day

日媒其實不輸台媒
新聞都很有趣, 似乎ppz到處都是
今天在奇摩新聞看到這則新聞, 笑死我了

柴崎幸吃飛醋 蠻折男友手機
日本影壇天后柴崎幸吃飛醋怒折新男友TAKUYA∞的手機，發起飆來不輸野蠻女友！
柴崎幸在與妻夫木聰分手之後，她覓得新歡「UVERworld」的主唱TAKUYA∞，2人去年12月時被目擊相約六本木浪漫約會並且往來彼此住處，模樣親密。
獨佔慾強烈的柴崎幸，不准男友私下跟其他女性友人見面，TAKUYA∞某次聊天時，無意提及與自己交情甚篤的女性朋友，令她大吃飛醋，當場把他的手機給折成兩半。
最新一期的「週刊文春」指出，她之前與妻夫木聰交往時，也曾做過類似的野蠻舉止。不過，TAKUYA∞似乎就喜歡她愛恨分明的性格，還對友人表示，她為了他正在努力戒菸.

不覺得很熟悉嗎? 我以為是台灣媒體晚了兩個月才發出來的新聞XD
後來翻出這則才知道..

[蘋果日報 2/2]柴崎幸大醋桶 怒折情郎手機
柴崎幸常在戲劇中演男人婆，私下個性也很火爆。日本《週刊文春》報導，她與妻夫木聰分手前，發現有女性傳簡訊給妻夫木，雖然內容並無曖昧之處，她仍大發醋勁，將他的掀蓋手機狠狠折斷，他終於受不了她的脾氣，決定分道揚鑣。

真的很LOL
原來柴崎幸吃醋時有 "折手機傾向"
這還蠻可怕的
柴崎幸妳也太暴力了, 嚇跑一個妻夫木還不克制自己
我看Stardust旗下的藝人不只會有 "沒什麼-女王" 的稱號, 馬上就會出現 "斷攜帶女王"了


比較值得開心的是Kou終於要戒煙了



yeah right.

love too, death too

Wow. I'm quite surprised.
Last friday, I came home from school and went straight to my PC to work on my paper.
This friday, I did the same thing.
I smell like books. I even tripped over them becuase they were all over my floor.
I'm nerding.

It's frustrating, my schedule conflicts. They won't stop occurring
Grade 10: 3 provincials in 3 consecutive days
Last term: three finals in three days
Last month: 4 midterms in 4 consecutive days
Next week: term paper due; french test; english in-class essay; presentation
Oh I'm looking forward to this. Lovely.
No wonder I'm nerding out.

I even have a theory session with Karlena tomorrow. I haven't done my homework. But I'm sure she won't get upset. She's in quite a good mood these days, she has a boyfriend now.

It's really interesting. So many people have been talking to me about their love life. Makes me feel left out. Shall I join too? Invitation? Check.

Have I told you, I'm not fit. Going through my manuscripts, I feel like I can't be locked up by norms and rules involved in those social connections.

Have I told you, I get blue sometimes, I can't bear isolation. But the more I feel so, the more I need to overcome. Isn't this the point? Am I still not too immature to handle anything beyond myself.

Have I told you, I think I'm wasting my time.
I feel like it's time to do something, say if I live for 100 years, I've nearly used up 1/5 of my lifetime.
I question myself, am I living.

ps.
Is nerding living. This is not a question actually.

你讓我心碎

最近正在 "趕" 報告
雖然說是 "趕", 但其實下個星期才交
只是我很乖, 二月中就開始找資料, 上個星期開始寫
雖然已經寫的差不多了, 我連bibliography也寫好了, 但我發現一個很嚴重的問題 = =
字量限制是2000字, 當我查了自己寫了多少字時, 答案是: 3500
DAMN
我連Conclusion都還沒寫完就已經破表了.. 而且破的挺嚴重
我心想, 這樣不行, 一定要刪一些
就這樣, 我狠下心來選了一些我辛苦寫下來的字句, 刪完了之後在去查一詞: 3100
"告訴我這不是真的! 喬!"
那時候也在寫Paper的Ariel剛好敲我說 "Crap, I have 600 words left to write"
我回她: "It's okay, I have 1000 more to delete..."
你說啊! 你說啊! 誰比較慘?
怎麼會這樣.. 我剛才怎麼選都沒辦法繼續刪, 每一個重點我都很想提到呀, 我也覺得有必要寫
這次的主題也是跟經濟有關, 數據的分析也很重要呀..
我忍痛刪了三個重點 = =
好不容易, 刪到現在差不多2100
我不甘心....

what? it's not friday the 13th?!

I'm surprised today isn't friday the 13th, because I think it should be. Considering what happened to me.

Yesterday, before I went to sleep around midnight, my paper syndrome came back to me again. I thought this wouldn't happen because I wrote a couple term papers already last term. I began to freak out. Though I tried to calm myself by telling myself I will take a revised outline to my professor the next day. Well that didn't work. I couldn't sleep until 3am becuase I kept on thinking about whether I should include a map of Manhattan or a map of the American industrial belt in my paper. Then I thought about should I mention immigration in my essay? I was unconscious, but I could still dream about my term paper, it was indeed a rough and tough sleep.

This morning, I attended my Geography seminar and got my midterm back. As I have mentioned, Geo is one of the few subjects that excites me, and I studied hard for the midterm. Turns out I got a nasty 69%. Even the numbers are ugly and insulting. What a horrible morning. I was (still am) so disappointed in myself, I thought I did alright. It's so frustrating. I like the subject, but it doesn't like me. A bit like my relationship situation eh? That did not help my aggravating paper syndrome.

After talking to my professor and he gave me some suggestions, I went to the library to look for some more books. Finding these helpful titles is perhaps the only good thing that happened today, but not the process. I squeshed someone while moving those bookshelves that slides, you know, those movable ones you get in the big libraries, is there a specific name? Anyway, I kept on apologizing to the person, he looked at the shelves, then at me, then smiled, then quietly walked away. Random.

By the time I got to my apartment, I was waiting for the elevator in the lobby. I noticed this man wandering around in front of the elevator. He smelled like piss and sweat, but I assumed he just got out from the weight room. Then he followed me into the elevator while greeting me "how are you doing?" We were alone. Before I could answer, he continued "look, I need some help. I was taken by someone in a car and dropped off here. And Look at me! I'm in rags!" I surveyed him, typical gangster outfits. Then he said "Can you give me some money so I can by pants?" Wow I thought, what an unlucky day. I realized my elevator came to a stop, this is my floor. I said "I'm leaving". THEN HE FOLLOWED ME OUT. And he said "Can you just spare me some bills?!" And I was freaking out, scared that he might take out his needles or whatever he had to stab me. So I reluctantly reached into my wallet to look for bills. And DAMN the smallest valued bill I had was $10, it just has to be $10!! I used to have a lot of $5, where are they now?! So I helplessly gave him the bill.

I went into my suite, and saw my room being torn apart. My dad was moving the furnitures around the house. Most of my things are still missing, somewhere in the mess. I finally decided that I've had enough. I was too weak to handle anymore. So I took my phone. Closed my door. And called my mum. A lot of weeping went on.

Judy should really go into astrology, or fortune telling.
She left me a message on a section for libra (though I'm a virgo born 2 days before a libra, she still insist that I'm more of a libra):

Every once in a while, you need a good cry to get out some of the bad feelings. Letting yourself get emotional over the trials in your life is not a sign of weakness -- it is a healthy way to process some extremely unpleasant feelings. If you need any solace, you will find more comfort from your family than from anyone else, so try to spend some time with them later in the day if you can. You share the good things in your life with them, and you should share the bad stuff, too.

Well that's what I did lol!

Anyway, I still don't understand, shouldn't it be friday the 13th today?!