I was a neurotic child

When I was about 7, my mum, like many other parents of the immigrant families, often left us to go "back" for work. It's how they put food on the table. I'm grateful. But it is also these occasional parting that made me understand how it feels to have somebody you love leave you, even if it's only for a little while, a few months. But that was exactly how I established the fact that I really love mum and that I want to value all the time we spend together, that I cry because I love her and I hate how I won't be able to see her for half a year. I'm really glad that I learned and experienced this love at a young age.

But it is also because of love that we fear, or at least for me that's the case. When I was about 7 or 8, I somehow learned that I, like any other, will die some day. I suppose I was a pretty neurotic child to be thinking about this at age 7. Anyway, I remember I was so saddened to learn the truth that I couldn't sleep, had no appetite and finally burst into tears. My parents asked me what was wrong, I told them that I don't want to die, I don't want them to die. They told me that I'm thinking ahead of myself. But as much as I feared death, my loved ones' deaths, what I really feared was that with death comes the complete wipe of my memories. I'm not too sure how I preceived death at that age, but I think I believed that there will be a lifetime after another.

My greatest fear was that I won't remember my loved ones. I was panicking because I realized I might forget everything, everybody and most importantly, forget love. I remember thinking to myself, is there anyway that I can carve all my memories of my mum, dad, Chris and Steve into my mind forever that it will outstand death, so that by the time I arrive at the following lifetime, I will still remember that I love them the most.

Just suddenly recalled this today and thought to myself, so I was already that neurotic back then!