I AM TAICHICAN

I am a liminal character.

I am a Taiwanese of Chinese descent who is born in a nation that is not approved to be one.

I am that particular Taiwanese or Chinese who lives in Canada and is a bearer of both Taiwanese and Canadian passports and continues to be stuck in between the two or three societies and cultures, whatever.

I am that particular Taiwanese or Canadian or Chinese who does not know the meaning nor what to tell others when they ask "Where are you from?" Or "What are you?"

I am that particular Taiwanese or Canadian or Chinese who asks "Who am I?" quite often.

Now let me summarise what happens to me all the time, and I will try to stay away from the politics, just the personal. But then again, the personal is the political - quite an awkward usage since I'm not a radical feminist, but it makes sense. Now they say that Canada is multicultural, which is somewhat true, and Canada is doing a good job sometimes. But that's only the government and their program. I don't blame anyone, but I simply get upset when someone - anyone, whether those of the 'host' society or not - asks me "so where are you from?" Now I know this is just a casual conversation appetizer but it irritates me that I have to think of the options:

I've been living in Canada for 12 years. I have officially been a Canadian for 9 years. But I don't know how to feel sometimes about home.

1) I'm Canadian: What irritates me about using this answer is that (Pal, I know you're asking me this is very likely because I have brown hair and eyes, because of the features, you assume that I am FROM somewhere else when I spent more than half of my lifetime here). But fine, immigrants are common in Canada, I shouldn't make it into such a big deal. So I say "I'm Canadian" since I'm in Canada anyway and I have a Canadian passport, if I'm in Taiwan, duh, I'll say I'm Taiwanese. And 90% of the time they would protest "Nonono, I mean, really, WHERE are you from?" So in this case, I'll have to go into option two.

2) I say Taiwanese: Sometimes to make matters simpler I just say I'm Taiwanese, but then again, I have ran into problems as such. For example, upon hearing "Taiwanese", that person would say, "oh, what? Isn't that just China?" I get really uneasy because I have no idea how to explain such complicated politics. "Yes.... some people believe that it is China..but I'm from Taiwan" "Exactly, why don't you just say you're Chinese then? Aren't they the same thing?" It has nothing to do with my political orientation, but still, what's wrong to say that I'm Taiwanese when I'm born in Taiwan and that is what it says on one of my passports regardless of the politics?

3) Chinese - Usually I don't say I'm Chinese unless people assume that I'm Chinese, then I'd just go with it, "yeah, Chinese.." Because that's how you make them shut up. It's again, not the politics, but simply because I don't think I can fully identify myself as a Chinese, I've never been to China, I don't know how to write simplified Chinese, I just don't think I'm that Chinese.

Sometimes I'm proud of such complications, and the fact that I have two passports. But I get so fed up when I have to identify myself as "I AM BORN IN TAIWAN AND IMMIGRATED TO CANADA AND NOW AM A DUAL CITIZEN OF BOTH CANADA AND TAIWAN, OF WHICH THE LATTER IS ALSO KNOWN AS THE REPUBLIC OF CHINA BUT IS NOT REALLY A CHINA THOUGH SOME CALL IT THE SAME CHINA BUT NOT EVERYONE AGREES."